There’s a very funny list floating around the interwebz on 10 things teachers wish they could say but can’t. It goes like this:
10 Things Teachers Wish They Could Say
*Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. *If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. *It is impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. *Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. *The student has a ‘full six-pack’ but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. *This child has been working with glue too much. *When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell. *The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. *Your child has delusions of adequacy. *The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
Here’s another list of what some teachers would say in their written reports on your children if you could somehow get them to be truly, truly honest. It isn’t funny really, so don’t laugh. continue reading below
* I have nothing to say about Peter because I don’t really notice him in my classroom. Sorry. * Sandy or Candy? I can never remember which one is which. Is she the one who sits in the back or the one in the front? They both got more or less the same mark any way. Here it is: *Stevie did badly in ‘Gears and Nuts’. But frankly, so did everyone. I don’t think I taught this section too well. *Debbie did badly in her exam. It was badly set, I’m afraid, so I get why. *Ricky’s mark suffered because we team-marked his exam and the section the other Lock Picking teacher marked didn’t allow for divergent answers. *David didn’t do too well in Ribbons and Bows this semester mainly because he doesn’t like me. I don’t really like him either, so there’s that. *I think this is more or less what Kevin’s marks should be. Frankly, I couldn’t find all of his work so I guessed. Oops. *Lawrence can be quite pleased with the 68% he attained for Lego Building this year. Frankly, though, we over-assessed so he never had the time to develop and grow. *David is in the class I always see at the end of the day. I am tired and grumpy and so are they. This probably explains his less than stellar performance. Better luck with the timetable next year. *Betty seemed bored with my PowerPoint presentations this term and her marks are a reflection of my antiquated methods. I really don’t care enough to change what I do though. Too bad. *This is Wesley’s mark. It probably means as little to him as it does to me. Frankly, I was so busy this semester, I did not have time to make note of his strengths and weaknesses. Hope this mark is good enough for you. It will have to be. * I love Andrew. He does everything I ask. He doesn’t disrupt or ask uncomfortable questions. * I really don’t like Zack. This mark is a reflection of that. I call it petty revenge. * I get a secret thrill when Timmy compliments me on my hair or a new dress I am wearing. I am thus giving him 10% extra. (Blush!) *I haven’t paid attention to Adam at all this term because I think he is just weird. Here’s his mark. Such as it is. * Ivan’s handwriting is so bad that I didn’t bother to read half of it. I looked for key words. SDH rift rus 62%. *I enjoyed marking most of Emily’s work this year because it was either blank or incomplete. This makes things go so much more quickly. She failed, which is sad, but she saved me a good few hours. * Roger had a few emotional setbacks this term. They don’t really pay me enough to care, though. And academics is academics. He failed. * Wendy did not do all of the copious homework I gave the class because I was afraid that my classroom teaching was insufficient. This made me angry and I docked marks. Because I can.
Educate yourself before you end up in the timeout chair. We teachers are known for our nurturing, caring spirit, but if you feel yourself falling head over heels, you better be prepared. Here's what you need to know before falling in love with a teacher. 1. We hate making miniscule decisions after teaching all day. The average teacher makes 1,500 educational decisions a day. That's about four every minute for a six-hour day of instruction. When we get home, the last thing we want to do is make even more decisions. We don't care what's for dinner or what movie we watch; just feed us and don't talk. 2. We know when to turn our filters on and off. Our job is based around kids. That means we're always functioning at a G-rated level. This is much easier said than done, but come after hours, there's nothing more relaxing than downing a few cocktails and rattling off some inappropriate words. It reminds us that we're adults and helps keep us sane.continue reading below
3. We have a hard time leaving our teaching hat in the classroom. We have this public service duty running through our veins. When we see children misbehaving at the grocery store, in the mall, or wherever they're not technically our responsibility, we will still give them "the look." We may even get on our little soapbox and talk about being nice and making good choices. And we have no problems saying this with their parents right there. 4. We can't help but treat you like a child, especially if you act like one. We deal with kids all day long. We consistently remind them to keep their hands to themselves, play nice with others, follow directions, and everything else under the sun. If your behavior mildly reflects that of a seven-year-old, you will be treated as a child. Don't take it personally. Or do, and grow up. We should only have to ask you once to pick up your socks off the floor. 5. We're consistently carrying around lots and lots of bags. Teachers lug so many things to and from school each day, it's a wonder we're not professional body builders. Besides our main bag with yesterday's graded papers and our laptop, we're also carrying our purse, lunch bag, most recent purchase from Target, and a crate of supplies for tomorrow's science experiment. Don't judge, just offer help. 6. We spend a crazy amount of hours grading papers. Breaks during the school day are often few and far between. And once students dismiss for the day, we're busy preparing lessons for the next round. That means we spend plenty of nights grading papers. Feel free to grab a colored marker and help. This will get you major bonus points. 7. We often talk in acronyms. We spend so much of our day wrapped up in educators' lingo that we forget it sounds completely foreign to everyone else. From the PARCC meeting discussing NCLB and CCSS, to the BOE meeting talking about PD for ELL and SLP educators, we just forget that you have no idea what it all means. Heck, even we can't remember what all those letters stand for. Just smile and nod when we tell you about our day. 8. We spend a lot of our own money on our students. We don't typically plan on spending hundreds of dollars a year on our students, it just happens. Those coloring supplies and boxes of tissues are essential for the classroom. And that sale at the local book store was too good to pass up. And of course, when we take a trip anywhere, a souvenir is needed to show the students. And ... well, you get the picture. 9. Our hands will forever be covered in marker. If our hands aren't sporting some sort of color at the end of the school day, it means that we were either stuck in meetings or didn't get to do all the teaching that we wanted to cover. It's like our war paint. And yes, we're very aware of it. 10. We earn our summers off and don't like when you tease us about it. If you truly love your teacher, then you already understand how hard of a job educating the future of our world is. True, we only “work” for 10 months out of the year, but when we work, we WORK. We consistently have our craft on our mind. We put in additional hours outside of our standard work day. We use weekends to prep and prepare upcoming lessons. We even use our time off, (AKA summer break) to take courses to make ourselves even more stellar in the classroom. So if you decide to make a snarky comment about how nice it must be to have summers off, be prepared to be in timeout for a long time.
Being a teacher can be both rewarding and challenging. Some kids are more difficult to get through to than others, but even the worst behaved students, for the most part, are manageable. But parents? Parents are a whole other story. 1. That I was responsible for the childhood obesity epidemic. With the 20 minutes of homework I gave three times a week. To high school honors freshmen. 2. A parent once claimed that her daughter kept losing her school jumper because I was selling them. continue reading bellow...
3. That the reason their son was making inappropriate, sexual comments towards me was because I was "enticing him with flirtatious private meetings". They were referring to the times I had to keep him back after class to lecture him on his behaviour. 4. I had a student tell her parents that I was picking on her because I tossed her a piece of candy and she didn't catch it, so it hit her forehead. The parents came in and called me racist for picking on their daughter because she's Mexican. I looked at them and said, "Are... Are you serious? Is this some sort of a joke?" The mom proceeded to say, "Absolutely not. I can tell you're racist by looking right at you." I responded, "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm Mexican." 5. "She doesn't have to be smart, she has to be pretty. She will find a rich man, marry him and never use chemistry again." 6. Parent of a high school freshman: "My son is struggling so much. Can you send home a copy of the test ahead of time so he can prepare?" 7. One of my 5th graders had been flashing gang signs, drawing gang symbols, and bragging about dealing hard drugs. I showed his mom one of his many drawing of gang symbols. She was pissed. She asked me if she could see the drawing and a pencil. Upon giving these to her, she began editing. She said, "that f*cker didn't even draw it right." 8. During my work-experience at a kindergarden, one of the mothers said I was a pedophile, because what other reason would there be for a male to work at a kindergarden? 9. This year, I was asked if I work in special education because I couldn't get a job teaching "regular kids." 10. From the mom of a high school freshman: Can you [the teacher who has 130 students every day] make sure he puts his homework in his homework folder every day? I want him to be better organized, but I just don't have the time. I have 5 kids! Content Writer : Sara Peters Know a teacher who would appreciate this? Share!
1. Because they teach content AND wipe your child's noses at the same time. 2. Because they spend hours outside of the classroom designing lessons and correcting your child's work. 3. Because they stand in harm's way to keep your child safe and alive in your absence, and sometimes die doing so.continue reading below
4. Because they wipe your child's tears almost as much as you do. 5. Because when you were in too much of a hurry to get breakfast or snack, they made sure your child ate.continue reading below ... 6. Because they put up with parent bullies as much as child bullies. 7. Because they form a tight professional community to make sure creeps and perverts are quickly weeded out of the teaching profession. 8. Because administrators often develop amnesia when they leave the classroom and forget that classroom teachers are on the front line. 9. Because most teachers are degreed, highly-educated, and have a lot of experience. 10. Because we pay for what we value, and if we value education, we should value educators
this post entitled "10 Reasons You Should Marry a Teacher" has popped up in my Facebook news feed a few times this weekend. So I've decided to have a look at the opposite point of view. Here are my reasons not to date a girl who teaches (in no particular order)! 1. "Sunday Sads:" Anyone who knows a teacher, knows the pain of last-minute Sunday planning. She will question, "Why did I not start sooner?" Your job is to listen to her hysterical ranting and leave her to do her planning in peace! 2. Holidays galore: If you have a "normal" job then you'll have to put up with the other extreme of when she's on holidays, completely relaxed and you've still got to work. If she ever mentions not having enough time off, do not, I repeat, do NOT, under any circumstances mention the amount of holidays she has! It won't end well.continue reading below...
3. Friday nights: Once your girl manages to crawl home after school on Friday, completely devoid of any energy, she will do one of the following: 1. Be sensible and have a nap then enjoy a Friday night with you or 2. Kid herself into thinking she has an energy reserve that the children haven't tapped into and end up falling asleep on you as you watch a movie or going out and yawning her way through the night. 4. You'll be subjected to children's songs: Every now and then, a song that she has been teaching the children will get stuck in her head and you will hear it on repeat for the weekend. There is no known cure for this phenomenon. Just try not to let it get to you too! 5. Romantic shopping trips won't happen: So you two want to have a nice stroll through the streets and do a bit of window shopping? Take heed. Anywhere that sells stationery or craft materials, discount stores and bookshops may lead to the loss of your girlfriend for several hours. 6. You can't throw anything away: Teachers tend to be hoarders. You might think you're doing some good in the world by putting that cardboard roll in the recycling bin. But your girlfriend doesn't see it as just a mere cardboard roll. To her it's a Halloween decoration, a flower, an angel, a car, a fish.... Living with a teacher often means keeping several piles of rubbish for months on end. 7. You may become her personal cutting and laminating service: Don't reveal your skills with a scissors. This may result in spending your weekend cutting things out, laminating them and, wait for it, CUTTING THEM OUT AGAIN! 8. She will never admit to being sick: This will drive you mad! Teachers suffer from the exact opposite of manflu. Sneezing every 3 seconds? Nah! It's nothing! 9. People will ask you how many kids you have: as she refers to her class as "my kids" even in social situations. 10. She might suddenly get jumpy and drag you away when she sees one of her students out and about.
